I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
