haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
