I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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