I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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