I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
