I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
