Apparently you make a good broom.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
