so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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