Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
this will be a night to untag.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
