I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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