Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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