If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I believe in your delicious
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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