Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
