Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
