I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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