I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
