I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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