I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
