I wanna bring you to show and tell
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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