Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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