I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
