Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
