Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
