don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
