He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
