I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
