theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
