Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
