Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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