oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
