For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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