normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
