Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
