I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
