The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
