you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
