That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
