If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
