Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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