Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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