Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
