literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
