The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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