You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize