WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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