I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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