Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
