I wish I could punch you in the face.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
