3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
