I want you more than these girls want KFC
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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