Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
