Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
